he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
