Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
