dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
