I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
