i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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