It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
