I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
