I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
