you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
