frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
