I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
