between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
