I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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