And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
