the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
