I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
