It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
