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guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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