It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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