if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
