Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
