ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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