So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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