roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
