I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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