I'm jealous of your bromance
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
