so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
time to smoke my breakfast
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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