WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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