u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
