dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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