I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
