where am i from again
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
