after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
