I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Shame is for Republicans.
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