can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
