Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
