Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
