he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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