Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
