I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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