you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
