Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
