There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
