Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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