Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
