I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
