lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
