It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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