Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
