i will never coherently bang her
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
