im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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