my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
